I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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