I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
