I wish I could teleport
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
