sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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