My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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