My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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