We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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