i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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