DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
