Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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