In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
