So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
