Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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