Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
