how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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