tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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