giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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