careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
