woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
