i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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