I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
