once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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