I look better un-naked...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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