True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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