I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
