ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
