i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
