i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
