I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
