So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
