Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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