And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
