Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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