Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is Oprah even human
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
