How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize