is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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