I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
