Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
