We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
