Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
