Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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