I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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