I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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