I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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