Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
