i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
