I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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