I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
