chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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