Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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