it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
