we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
