Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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