I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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