I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
