Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize