We named our party play list daddy issues
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
