3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
