I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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