it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
