well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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