Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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